eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
