she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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