My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize