life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
