Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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