He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
