I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
