Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
