Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
