were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
