are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
