I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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