so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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