I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
sarcasm needs its own font
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
