The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
