I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
