To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Found your dick twin last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I am naked and annoyed.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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