where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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