then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
