What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
