I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize