real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
