Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
