She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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