Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
