My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
