That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
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My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
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You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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