i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
