i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
