This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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