We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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