so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
