im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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