Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
