I am puke
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
