By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
