So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
