i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
