Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
