thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize