we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
