she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
