My hand turned me down
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
