I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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