I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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