I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
