I can text with my tongue
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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