you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
