You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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