All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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