Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
