Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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