I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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