is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
