is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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