you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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