Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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