I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
