Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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