Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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