i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
