That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
