In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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