I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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