pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
two words: eviction party
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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