he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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