I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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