he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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