Girls should come with a carfax report
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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