I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Terrible idea I love it
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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