I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My pussy is not your playground.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
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I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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