New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
