did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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