he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You need Xanax blowdarts
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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