we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
