hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
