I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
